There has been too much talk of late. Voltan has grown complacent in isolation aboard Super Secret Sea-Base Beta. The time for action has arrived.
A submersible awaits by the super secret underwater exit. Voltan shall pilot the craft to an island rendezvous. There Voltan shall harbour it in Voltan's secret tropical outpost (little more than a leafy marine lock-up, to be honest, but there's no harm in sounding impressive) and transfer to a surface vessel.
Voltan's destination is secret, naturally. Zane is to accompany Voltan, while Miss Billingbrox shall remain aboard the Sea-Base. All communications equipment shall of necessity be deactivated until Voltan returns.
Showing posts with label Quest for world domination. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Quest for world domination. Show all posts
Tuesday
Friday
Day 332: Increasing handicap
The governments of the Western world vaunt democracy as their greatest export and the root of their success. It is Voltan's opinion that this is but window dressing. The West is commercial, corporatist and entirely dependent upon the wage-slavery of its population.
Bring down its businesses, and its governments shall follow. This shall be achieved without the need to confront its armed forces. Therefore, Voltan shall sow death and terror among the business leaders of the Western World.
Voltan shall do this with explosive golf balls and poisoned tees. Voltan shall pass deadly electric currents through the flag poles in each hole. Ha ha! And Voltan shall keep something special in store for the 19th hole, oh yes. This shall be to the glory of Voltan.
Bring down its businesses, and its governments shall follow. This shall be achieved without the need to confront its armed forces. Therefore, Voltan shall sow death and terror among the business leaders of the Western World.
Voltan shall do this with explosive golf balls and poisoned tees. Voltan shall pass deadly electric currents through the flag poles in each hole. Ha ha! And Voltan shall keep something special in store for the 19th hole, oh yes. This shall be to the glory of Voltan.
Monday
Day 328: Zap, a return
It has not escaped Voltan's notice that extensive systems of surveillance cameras have become commonplace in large population centres.
Voltan shall subvert these systems and install lasers in the cameras. Then Voltan shall wrest control of the systems from their operators. The power or remote-controlled death shall be at Voltan's fingertips. This shall be to the glory of Voltan!
Voltan shall subvert these systems and install lasers in the cameras. Then Voltan shall wrest control of the systems from their operators. The power or remote-controlled death shall be at Voltan's fingertips. This shall be to the glory of Voltan!
Friday
Day 325: Voltan makes the world go around
Money is a key to many doors. Voltan is sure that someone has already said this. No matter! Henceforth you may strike their pitiful names from your dictionaries of quotations and replace them with Voltan.
Voltan makes lots of money. Voltan is not going to talk about Voltan's money-laundering, stoozing or careful management of funds via a series of tax-efficient savings and investment vehicles. Voltan makes lots of money in the same way as the Democratic People's Republic of Korea makes lots of money: by printing $100 bills. This pleases Voltan!
Voltan has developed a network of skilled counterfeiters able to forge the banknotes of any nation state. Ha! Voltan shall use this money to destabilise the world's economies by flooding them with currency. This shall be to the glory of Voltan.
The counterfeiters shall have a second role once Voltan is lord and ruler: they shall produce a new currency, to be issued by Voltan. Who better to protect against forgeries than those who would otherwise be doing the forging? Voltan shall smite those who refuse, or who resume their habit of illicit minting.
Voltan is cunning and wise!
Voltan makes lots of money. Voltan is not going to talk about Voltan's money-laundering, stoozing or careful management of funds via a series of tax-efficient savings and investment vehicles. Voltan makes lots of money in the same way as the Democratic People's Republic of Korea makes lots of money: by printing $100 bills. This pleases Voltan!
Voltan has developed a network of skilled counterfeiters able to forge the banknotes of any nation state. Ha! Voltan shall use this money to destabilise the world's economies by flooding them with currency. This shall be to the glory of Voltan.
The counterfeiters shall have a second role once Voltan is lord and ruler: they shall produce a new currency, to be issued by Voltan. Who better to protect against forgeries than those who would otherwise be doing the forging? Voltan shall smite those who refuse, or who resume their habit of illicit minting.
Voltan is cunning and wise!
Tuesday
Day 322: Il communication
That uppity popinjay Kim Jong-Il has been throwing his weight around of late. This vexes Voltan. Just because he has a whole country, whereas Voltan only has Super Secret Sea-Base Beta, he thinks he's already halfway there. But it is a crappy country. Everyone knows that. If Mr Kim believes he can achieve world domination before Voltan, he shall have another think coming.
Apparently Kimg Jon-Il's birth, to Kim Jong-Suk, was foretold by a swallow. However, suck and swallow do not a birth make. Voltan smells a rat. Ha ha ha. Perhaps the rat had something to do with it. Ha ha ha.
Bah! Enough of this. Voltan is not scared of Kim's bargain-basement nukes. Voltan shall unleash substance 3xb upon North Korea. Just as soon as Voltan has discovered it.
Apparently Kimg Jon-Il's birth, to Kim Jong-Suk, was foretold by a swallow. However, suck and swallow do not a birth make. Voltan smells a rat. Ha ha ha. Perhaps the rat had something to do with it. Ha ha ha.
Bah! Enough of this. Voltan is not scared of Kim's bargain-basement nukes. Voltan shall unleash substance 3xb upon North Korea. Just as soon as Voltan has discovered it.
Friday
Day 318: Jazz hands!
Voltan shall flood Broadway and the West End with a series of musicals so unrelentingly tawdry that the theatre business shall collapse.
This shall force many thousands of feckless thespians into the labour market. Once working in proper jobs they shall cause untold damage to the economies of the world.
Businesses shall fail, and workers shall fear for their homes as rent and mortgages go unpaid.
Thus shall the ground be prepared for Voltan's rise to power.
This shall force many thousands of feckless thespians into the labour market. Once working in proper jobs they shall cause untold damage to the economies of the world.
Businesses shall fail, and workers shall fear for their homes as rent and mortgages go unpaid.
Thus shall the ground be prepared for Voltan's rise to power.
Tuesday
Day 315: Plan for a slave army
Voltan requires cheap, plentiful and expendable labour. Voltan has resolved to meet this requirement with convicts, students and the unemployed. This shall have additional benefits: prison overcrowding shall be eliminated; a potentially hostile intelligentsia shall not be allowed to renew itself, and shall eventually wither; the feckless shall no longer litter the streets nor impose a financial burden upon society.
This work force shall be kept separate from, and subordinate to, Voltan's principal armed forces.
This work force shall be kept separate from, and subordinate to, Voltan's principal armed forces.
Thursday
Day 310: Fog fug
A sea mist has risen up today. It cuts Super Secret Sea-Base Beta off from the world. The sea is flat with almost no swell at all. There is no movement. No sound. Nothing but flat, milky light.
A listless mood has arisen within Voltan as if to mirror the weather. Voltan spent much of the morning in a brooding torpor. After some time Voltan grew restless and began to fidget, picking rust off rivets and opening and shutting the map room door to hear the hinges squeal.
It is in such moments that Voltan falls prey to fears and misgivings. But it does not do to dwell upon them. One must be resolute if one wishes to take over the world.
A listless mood has arisen within Voltan as if to mirror the weather. Voltan spent much of the morning in a brooding torpor. After some time Voltan grew restless and began to fidget, picking rust off rivets and opening and shutting the map room door to hear the hinges squeal.
It is in such moments that Voltan falls prey to fears and misgivings. But it does not do to dwell upon them. One must be resolute if one wishes to take over the world.
Wednesday
Day 309: Zap!
Throughout the developed world the proportion of households equipped with microwave ovens is approaching 90%. Voltan shall exploit their explosive potential.
Voltan's forces shall target the distribution chain of microwave ready meals, replacing normal product for special doctored items identically packaged. These doctored meals shall contain a large amount of metal wrapped in poisons and/or bio-warfare toxins. These meals shall be sold as normal through retail stores to the unsuspecting populous, who shall proceed to microwave them. Once inside a microwave oven the metal shall cause the meal to explode, thereby contaminating the microwave with poison and spreading lethal toxins into the victim's home. Many such meals shall be sold before the risk becomes known. Thereafter the disruption shall be immense. This pleases Voltan.
Voltan's forces shall target the distribution chain of microwave ready meals, replacing normal product for special doctored items identically packaged. These doctored meals shall contain a large amount of metal wrapped in poisons and/or bio-warfare toxins. These meals shall be sold as normal through retail stores to the unsuspecting populous, who shall proceed to microwave them. Once inside a microwave oven the metal shall cause the meal to explode, thereby contaminating the microwave with poison and spreading lethal toxins into the victim's home. Many such meals shall be sold before the risk becomes known. Thereafter the disruption shall be immense. This pleases Voltan.
Day 302: Spidergeddon
Voltan has learnt that there are many spiders on the mainland at the moment. This is a result of favourable climactic conditions over the previous twelve months.
Voltan wonders whether it is possible to reconfigure the Evilscope to transmit on a frequency they can hear. The arachnid legions are currently sowing fear in a most inefficient manner. With Voltan's co-ordination and guidance they could cause terror and panic in the cities of the world. Moreover, they could entangle military and law-enforcement targets in their webs. Then conditions would be ripe for Voltan's sweep to power.
Voltan can picture them now scuttling majestically along major thoroughfares and sweeping across the facades of national monuments. There shall be no glass large enough to cover them, no card powerful enough to slide under them! They shall conquer all for Voltan!
This pleases Voltan.
Voltan wonders whether it is possible to reconfigure the Evilscope to transmit on a frequency they can hear. The arachnid legions are currently sowing fear in a most inefficient manner. With Voltan's co-ordination and guidance they could cause terror and panic in the cities of the world. Moreover, they could entangle military and law-enforcement targets in their webs. Then conditions would be ripe for Voltan's sweep to power.
Voltan can picture them now scuttling majestically along major thoroughfares and sweeping across the facades of national monuments. There shall be no glass large enough to cover them, no card powerful enough to slide under them! They shall conquer all for Voltan!
This pleases Voltan.
Monday
Day 300, later: Electoral update
Voltan has spent much of the day working on the scheme to zombify the world's legislatures. Voltan has concluded that the prime occasion for implementing this scheme is at the start of a new legislative period.
Today legislative elections were held in Sweden. A new centre-right Government has prevailed. A new cabinet shall be appointed in due course.
The time for zombification is ripe.
Further legislative elections were held in the German federal states of Berlin and Mecklenburg-Vorpommern. Perhaps Voltan can bring down the Bundesrat from within.
Today legislative elections were held in Sweden. A new centre-right Government has prevailed. A new cabinet shall be appointed in due course.
The time for zombification is ripe.
Further legislative elections were held in the German federal states of Berlin and Mecklenburg-Vorpommern. Perhaps Voltan can bring down the Bundesrat from within.
Day 300: Voltan dares to dream
Visionaries are often dismissed as fantasists. Indeed, Voltan would have thought as much of anyone who suggested packing the worlds' legislatures with biddable legions of the undead. And yes it has been done already! For Voltan has learnt that the Conservative Party in the British legislature has fewer living, human MPs than it has zombies and ghouls.
Voltan can only marvel at the mind behind this. Voltan wonders who it could have been. Perhaps their controller walked among them disguised as yet another zombie? Tebbit, perhaps. Or even Thatcher, although that seems too obvious. More likely she was a decoy zombie created to draw fire away from the real leader. Voltan is unsure as to when the zombification of the party began. Could it have been under Hague? Howard? Perhaps it was Blair: a zombie opposition would serve his purposes admirably. Or even the monarch, although Voltan doubts she would have the stomach for it: being married to a zombie would be enough to put anyone off.
Voltan must discover who this mastermind is and learn their secret. With such knowledge Voltan can zombify legislative branches of government across the globe. Then control of the nation states shall fall to Voltan, and world domination can be achieved! This shall be to the glory of Voltan!
Voltan can only marvel at the mind behind this. Voltan wonders who it could have been. Perhaps their controller walked among them disguised as yet another zombie? Tebbit, perhaps. Or even Thatcher, although that seems too obvious. More likely she was a decoy zombie created to draw fire away from the real leader. Voltan is unsure as to when the zombification of the party began. Could it have been under Hague? Howard? Perhaps it was Blair: a zombie opposition would serve his purposes admirably. Or even the monarch, although Voltan doubts she would have the stomach for it: being married to a zombie would be enough to put anyone off.
Voltan must discover who this mastermind is and learn their secret. With such knowledge Voltan can zombify legislative branches of government across the globe. Then control of the nation states shall fall to Voltan, and world domination can be achieved! This shall be to the glory of Voltan!
Wednesday
Day 295: Divide and rule
Voltan shall attack not just individual nation states, but the very concept of a nation state!
Voltan shall target major metropolises throughout the world: New York, Los Angeles, London, Tokyo, Paris, Madrid, Rome, Berlin, Cape Town, Nairobi, Tunis, Cairo, Alexandria, Buenos Aires, Sydney. In each case Voltan shall disrupt the proper functioning of the infrastructure. The transport and communication networks, the distribution of food and fuel, the processing of payments and access to cash. Voltan shall do this in such a manner that the nation state government is blamed.
Voltan shall harness the citizens' rage. Voltan shall foment revolution. In each case the aim shall be cessation from the nation state and the creation of an independent city state. Through puppet governors Voltan shall be the ultimate lord and ruler of the world's major cities. From this power-base, further advances towards world domination can be made.
Voltan shall target major metropolises throughout the world: New York, Los Angeles, London, Tokyo, Paris, Madrid, Rome, Berlin, Cape Town, Nairobi, Tunis, Cairo, Alexandria, Buenos Aires, Sydney. In each case Voltan shall disrupt the proper functioning of the infrastructure. The transport and communication networks, the distribution of food and fuel, the processing of payments and access to cash. Voltan shall do this in such a manner that the nation state government is blamed.
Voltan shall harness the citizens' rage. Voltan shall foment revolution. In each case the aim shall be cessation from the nation state and the creation of an independent city state. Through puppet governors Voltan shall be the ultimate lord and ruler of the world's major cities. From this power-base, further advances towards world domination can be made.
Day 288: Defeating Voltan's arch-nemesis
If Voltan is to be an evil super-genius, Voltan must defeat Voltan’s arch-nemesis.
In order to achieve this, Voltan must first acquire an arch-nemesis. Voltan has several potential nemeses: Voltan’s idiot goon, Zane; the tax inspector; ill-fitting undergarments. The list is long. However, none of these possess the characteristics of an arch-nemesis.
Voltan shall ruminate on the matter and compile a list of attributes required of an arch-nemesis.
In order to achieve this, Voltan must first acquire an arch-nemesis. Voltan has several potential nemeses: Voltan’s idiot goon, Zane; the tax inspector; ill-fitting undergarments. The list is long. However, none of these possess the characteristics of an arch-nemesis.
Voltan shall ruminate on the matter and compile a list of attributes required of an arch-nemesis.
Friday
Day 276: Voltan's secret weapon
Substance 3xb is extremely potent. Voltan will use substance 3xb both as a fuel and as a weapon. There will be many deaths. There will be cheap transport for Voltan. This pleases Voltan.
Voltan’s efforts to discover substance 3xb continue. There are many experiments that Voltan must undertake. Voltan is becoming accustomed to the smell, but it is doubtful that Voltan shall ever become inured to the other effects: the skin irritation, the headaches and the fequent explosions. Yet these are a small price to pay compared to the benefits Voltan shall reap. Substance 3xb shall not evade Voltan for long.
In the course of this research Voltan has discovered a very efficient way of cleaning brass.
Voltan’s efforts to discover substance 3xb continue. There are many experiments that Voltan must undertake. Voltan is becoming accustomed to the smell, but it is doubtful that Voltan shall ever become inured to the other effects: the skin irritation, the headaches and the fequent explosions. Yet these are a small price to pay compared to the benefits Voltan shall reap. Substance 3xb shall not evade Voltan for long.
In the course of this research Voltan has discovered a very efficient way of cleaning brass.
Wednesday
Day 274: The betterment of Voltan
Voltan's quest for world domination continues. Everywhere Voltan goes there are fools, idiots and wastrels. This world is going to hell in a handbasket. If Voltan were in charge things would be better. No more dithering little people. No more arguing about climate change, the size of hamburgers or import tarriffs for feminine items! Instead all will work with a unity of purpose: the betterment of Voltan!
When Voltan is ruler, Voltan will require a henchman to carry out menial tasks that, while necessary, are beneath Voltan. Like making Votlan’s tea when Voltan comes home from running the world.
Moreover, the henchman must have 1) a distinctive name, perhaps based on his physical appearance, and 2) a special super secret attack that can defeat all enemies. There will be enemies. This pleases Voltan.
Voltan writes from Super Secret Sea-Base Beta, perched on a rusting column 30 feet above the briny swell. Super Secret Sea-Base Beta is shabby, and smells not a little of fish. This vexes Voltan. Voltan is here because Voltan has the builders in Super Secret Sea-Base Alpha to carry out repairs. Their tardiness vexes Voltan. They shall suffer Voltan’s wrath!
The food on Super Secret Sea-Base Beta is monotonous, and mostly canned. Voltan yearns to return to Super Secret Sea-Base Alpha, with its extensive kitchens and trained chefs. Fresh food is plentiful, particularly Super Secret Sea-Bass.
When Voltan is ruler, Voltan will require a henchman to carry out menial tasks that, while necessary, are beneath Voltan. Like making Votlan’s tea when Voltan comes home from running the world.
Moreover, the henchman must have 1) a distinctive name, perhaps based on his physical appearance, and 2) a special super secret attack that can defeat all enemies. There will be enemies. This pleases Voltan.
Voltan writes from Super Secret Sea-Base Beta, perched on a rusting column 30 feet above the briny swell. Super Secret Sea-Base Beta is shabby, and smells not a little of fish. This vexes Voltan. Voltan is here because Voltan has the builders in Super Secret Sea-Base Alpha to carry out repairs. Their tardiness vexes Voltan. They shall suffer Voltan’s wrath!
The food on Super Secret Sea-Base Beta is monotonous, and mostly canned. Voltan yearns to return to Super Secret Sea-Base Alpha, with its extensive kitchens and trained chefs. Fresh food is plentiful, particularly Super Secret Sea-Bass.
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