Wednesday

Day 323: Ham-fisted radio

As Bob Hoskins would have it: it's good to talk. Voltan has noted Miss Billingbrox's determination to contact the outside world. At times she reminds Voltan of that stumpy little fellow with the finger, such is her desire to phone home. This has presented Voltan with an opportunity to regain Miss Billingbrox's trust (and thereby progress with Voltan's plan): Voltan would allow Miss Billingbrox to contact the outside world!

Of course, Voltan cannot actually allow her to do so. Instead, Voltan decided to use a cunning recording so that it would appear that Miss Billingbrox had done so, without risking her divulging any sensitive information. Voltan had written the script and had Zane record it, disguising his voice by placing a sock over the microphone. Now it was set to play back through the disconnected radio, with pauses for Miss Billingbrox to speak in.

Miss Billingbrox was unsure when Voltan told her she was permitted to use the short-wave radio, but soon her enthusiasm overtook her. She sat at the desk and began jabbing at buttons on the set.

'Hello? Hello? This is Bibi Billingbrox. Is anyone receiving, over?'

There was static. This was part of Voltan's plan. Miss Billingbrox turned the tuning dial.

'Hello, is anyone receiving? Over.'

'This is mmmmphlanmph.... krrrrring you faintly. Over,' came the reply.

Miss Billingbrox grew excited.

'Hello!' she bellowed. 'This is Bibi Billingbrox, fro...'

'Krrrrbrox, what is your position? Krrrrr.'

'Hello, I'm...'

'I see. Wait there, Miss Krrrrrmmphrrrr, and we'll krrrrrr.'

At this point Voltan became vexed. The idiot Zane had not left long enough pauses.

Miss Billingbrox turned to Voltan. 'What's going on?' she said.

'Krrres, yes, we quite understand. Everything will be fkrrrrrrrmmpph,' the radio continued.

'That's a recording, isn't it?'

At this Voltan spluttered somewhat. 'Don't be ridiculous.'

'Yes, Miss Billingbrox, as soon as you get back to the mainland. Over. Krrr.'

Miss Billingbrox glared at Voltan.

'Krrrnk you, Miss Billingbrox. And to you too. Okrrrmmpphrrrnd out.'

There the recording ended, and with it Voltan's hopes of beguiling Miss Billingbrox.

2 comments:

Bummero said...

I, Bummero, laugh at your feeble attempts to deceive this innocent young senorita.
Should have used mp3, with a pause play thingy.
Silly Voltan.
I shall delay handing out pistolito justice and destroying your base with the help of some dubiously procured plastic explosive. Out of pity.
Also, I need to find your base first.
But this is by the by.

Scaryduck said...

Once again I offer myself, oh great one, as your new toady. You know it makes sense. You would have had a decent plan, involving, perhaps, two tin cans and a long piece of string.

There is, alas, a competency deficit at Sea Base Beta, and you need to address it forthwith.