Monday

Day 321: Frisky

What is Voltan to do with Trinny and Susannah once they fall into Voltan's hands, as surely they shall during Voltan's ascent to world domination? Should Voltan have them shot and buried in shallow graves? Or, on the other hand, should Voltan indulge in sexual intercourse with one or both of them?

Voltan is not even sure that these two options are mutually exclusive.

Voltan suspects the fat one would be more accommodating, but that the thin one would perhaps give a more spirited performance.

However, neither of them is a patch on Anthea Turner.

5 comments:

Bummero said...

Voltan, before I just though you were an evil super-villain, and that I must dish out some pistolito justice, as you were sane, despite you're third-person shenanigans.
Now I, Bummero, have come to the conclusion that you are an absolutely 100% A-Grade Class-1 Nutter.
I can recommend some good therapists? They didn't quite do the job for me, but they are spirited...like the thin one....ughhh....

Jeff said...

It would be wisest to remove them as soon as possible - otherwise both the fat one and the thin one will have Voltan in front of a mirror telling Voltan how those comfortable and practical supervillaning outfits that Voltan wears make him look like a mime artist *shudder* who's raided the local boy scout jumble sale and that he really ought to wear lighter colours around the neck area so as not to highlight the bags under the eyes that come from Voltan’s hectic supervillaning schedule…

It would be worse than letting Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen loose on Super Secret Sea-Base Alpha (though no doubt he could patch up Super Secret Sea-Base Beta somewhat).

Bummero said...

Though having thought about it, if you could remove them in some evil fashion, you would be doing a service to humanity, and would be forever remembered as the man who saved less-than-impeccably dressed people everywhere from a fate worse than death.
I, Bummero, would..err..overlook this particular evil crime when I fill in my Little Book of Crimes to Avenge (Copyright, patent pending)

Voltan said...

Voltan suspects the only justice Bummero is interested in meting out involves his pork pistolito. Ha ha ha.

Scaryduck said...

Your premise is interesting, oh great one.

How would Voltan deal with such TV domestic "experts" as Kirstie Allsopp and a lightly-oiled Sarah Beeny? Use illustrations if necessary.

Oh, and Nigella Lawson, grasping a stick of celery. Her as well.