Thursday

Day 324: Welcome to Voltan's network

When Voltan is lord and ruler certain advances in mobile telephony shall be undone. Specifically, the capability to play music files through the telephone speaker shall be removed. No longer shall the top deck of buses be subject to the latest downloaded drivel. Instead, bus journeys shall be given over to quiet contemplation of the glory of Voltan.

Moreover, ringtones shall be regulated and subject to strict quality controls. No more ba-ding-ding-ding. Ever.

9 comments:

Yags said...

You've got my vote, mister.

Charlie said...

Hurrah!


So, you'll be neutering all chavs then?

Jeff said...

Surely such antisocial noisome devices could be utilised by Voltan to extract necessary information from stubborn and unwilling… prisoners ?

Scaryduck said...

Of course, you will ensure that the buses and trains do not run on time, thus giving the passengers longer to contemplate your glory, oh great one.

Chadwick said...

What kind of "strick quality controls" did you have in mind, Voltan?

jaypeg said...

Maybe you need to consider your branding. I mean every evil overlord worth his/her salt has an anthem, a theme tune, a scary soundtrack to play behind their evil deeds. Think how much more effective it would be to control the malcontents on the bus if all ring tones were the same tune that plays behind the agonized screams issuing from the Zappulon 5000-K® everytime it is activated. Ah those Halcyon dreams…

Voltan said...

Strick? Ah. A regrettable (if somewhat ironic) oversight. It has been rectified.

Have you not been paying attention, Duck man? Voltan shall make the trains run on time. Although Voltan will admit that no mention was made of buses. But Voltan's public transport networks shall be fully integrated, and as such buses shall run on time. Any bus or train drivers who are late (or bolshy—Voltan has noted their unions' tendencies) shall be summarily executed.

Huw said...

You'll keep camera phone technology though, surely? It would provide a good means for subjects to record and report any unvoltanistic behaviour they observe in their fellow citizens.

Jimbo said...

'Unvoltanistic'. Voltan should make that 'word of the week'. Or century. Or something.
I will be happy when Voltan makes the trains boats buses and planes all run on time. Especially without crazy frog ringtones and Chavmusic.