Wednesday

Day 330: Underachieving

Zane is soon to submit to testing in order to obtain his level 4 certificate in evil sidekickery. Success would allow Zane to progress from goon to flunky. Voltan feels Zane has not been making all he could of his life, and so has endeavored to prepare him for this assessment. For example, Voltan has put Zane through mock examinations.

'Question 4. You have captured your nemesis's child and its pet. What is the correct course of action?'

'Ooh! Ooh! I know this one! I know this one!'

'Be still. You look as if you need the toilet. I will deduct points for mincing.'

'You should... er... be really nasty to the pet.'

'Really nasty?'

'Yeah, like, perhaps give it water instead of milk.'

'I suggest you try something more evil.'

'Um... kick it? You know, um, a bit.'

Zane hopes one day to be a henchman. Voltan knows this to be impossible. It is such a disappointment to Voltan. Without improvement, how can Voltan ever hope to palm Zane off on another unfortunate employer?

4 comments:

Gizzit said...

"...palm Zane off on another employer...."

Why don't you just kill him instead?

Alternatively, marry him off to the Billingbrox wench, and then go along on the honeymoon. That would be evil.

Ros said...

If you're looking for a new goon, I'm thinking of selling mine. He's very cheap and has already demonstrated an aptitude for evil and torture.

Jamie Starbuck said...

330 days and still Voltan is not world ruler. Is Voltan slipping?

glacial said...

Can Voltan not engineer Zane's heroic sacrifice for the glory of Voltan? A blaze of glory for poor Zane?