Throughout the developed world the proportion of households equipped with microwave ovens is approaching 90%. Voltan shall exploit their explosive potential.
Voltan's forces shall target the distribution chain of microwave ready meals, replacing normal product for special doctored items identically packaged. These doctored meals shall contain a large amount of metal wrapped in poisons and/or bio-warfare toxins. These meals shall be sold as normal through retail stores to the unsuspecting populous, who shall proceed to microwave them. Once inside a microwave oven the metal shall cause the meal to explode, thereby contaminating the microwave with poison and spreading lethal toxins into the victim's home. Many such meals shall be sold before the risk becomes known. Thereafter the disruption shall be immense. This pleases Voltan.
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Plead for mercy
Should you wish your life to continue largely unchanged when Voltan is lord and ruler of all, you may submit a plea for mercy at the following address.
mr.voltan [at] googlemail.com
Your plea shall most likely be ignored. Book deals also accepted.
What are Voltan prime concerns?
Blog Archive
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2006
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September
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- Day 311: Loose lips
- Day 310: Fog fug
- Day 309: Zap!
- Day 308: The best money Voltan ever spent
- Day 307: Another list of the superlativest items ever
- Day 304: Down with the kids
- Day 303: Stool
- Day 302: Spidergeddon
- Day 301: A set-to
- Day 300, later: Electoral update
- Day 300: Voltan dares to dream
- Day 297: Evilscope
- Day 296: Bonfire of the profanities
- Day 295, later: A meeting with Miss Billingbrox
- Day 295: Divide and rule
- Day 294: Home shopping the evil way
- Day 293: Voltanistan
- Day 291: Spitting
- Day 290, later: Becalmed
- Day 290: Sing praise to the glory of Voltan
- Day 289: Interloper!
- Day 288: Defeating Voltan's arch-nemesis
- Day 287: The mess must go
- Day 286: Chewing gum
- Day 285: Voltan shall make the trains run on time
- Day 283: Power to Voltan!
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September
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Suspicious characters
Voltan keeps an eye on those who may cause trouble when Voltan is lord and ruler of all.
Here is the list of those Voltan has under surveillance:
About This Evilscope Transmission
- Voltan
- There is nothing you need to know about this Evilscope transmission. Stop asking questions. If you don't try any funny business then you won't get hurt. Until later.
3 comments:
Good plan, Voltan!
I think its best that the people surviving on ready meals are put out of their misery.
Was that big e-coli spinach scare also one of your schemes?
You seem to be assuming people will buy & eat your ready meals all at the same time which is a beginners error to be honest. You should target the microwaves themselves. Sell them as 800w but scretly use Ultra high and dense microwave generators capable of vapourising whole children. Offer them as a special offer of £5 for one day only and instantly rid the world of chavs! Do it! Do it now!
Ahah. So you're responsible for Chicken Tikka that explodes in the microwave.
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